Olive Kittridge, Phyllis and Harold

A few weeks ago I finished reading a popular novel and also saw an unrelated just released documentary movie. Both present a view of two different 50+ year marriages mainly through the eyes of the wife. These women seem unfulfilled and both pine over other men and marriages that could have been, while their husbands appear to be relatively content and oblivious to the fantasies of their wives. In the novel we are given a window into the relationship with the only son who appears to have been somewhat over indulged and stifled when he was a child resulting in him being distant in emotion and in actual physical distance from his parents as an adult, much to the despair of his mother. The documentary film of the other marriage was actually made by the daughter who appears to be trying to understand her mother and this dysfunctional marriage. She and her sister were relegated to the care of a nanny and were never shown in the vacation movies of their parents. According to a discussion the daughter filmmaker had with the preview audience where I saw the film, she noted her mother never spontaneously brought up the children in the 12 years of doing interviews with her.

At this point I would like to present my review of both of these well done pieces.

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout (2008) – available in hardcover, paperback, audio and Kindle

No doubt Elizabeth Strout is a talented insightful author who is able to use her main character, as well as well as those that are part of her  life or cross paths with her, to mine a potpourri of human emotions more often on the bitter side. In each of her 13 chapters she deals mostly with a retired school teacher’s trials and tribulations whether it be with Henry her husband and long time pharmacist of their small town in Maine, Christopher her only son who doesn’t deliver her expectations as far their mother-child adult relationship or others whom she has encountered. Each story dealt with an original slice of life with an unflinchingly honest depiction of the inner thoughts of Olive and the other characters. However, I have to admit, I had no problem putting down (or shutting off my Kindle) and never was in a rush to fire it up. I must be in the minority here, as this a Pulitzer prize winning book. Perhaps I am looking for a more refreshing uplifting or challenging reading experience that offers a new twist on the usual conflicts of life. Or perhaps some of the conflicts reverberated with my own unconscious. The book is extremely well written as the author has an ability to show the nuanced feelings of her characters in a very subtle manner.  I could easily understand why her son, while dutiful, was not anxious to be steeped in his mother’s needy wish for payback. This even made me reflect of how I hope that I would not put that expectation on my own kids. The concluding experience of Olive in her older age which allowed her to appreciate her need to love and be loved was another well done literary accomplishment of this book.

Phyllis and Harold, Documentary – Directed and Produced by Cindy Kleine (2008)- released  2010, DVD release anticipated in future

Cindy Kleine undertook a project for 12 years where she interviewed her parents on film and put together the story of their 59 years of marriage with old movies, slides and letters. She originally felt the story was so interesting that she was going to transcribe the interviews and write a screenplay. However, she then realized that the real people saying their own words would be better than any actors she could get to recreate their story. So this filmmaker with the support of her husband Andre Gregory (well known theatre and film director best known for  “Dinner with Andre”) put together a most unusual and successful documentary of the story of the marriage and subsequent life of Harold and Phyllis. Her father is shown as the dashing, handsome, confident young dentist who courts his future wife while he is in the army during World War II. He goes on to then develops a successful practice where he can take his wife on vacations all over the world providing all the comforts of life including a devoted nanny for his two children. However, the core of the story is how his wife Phyllis, who is shown to have been a beautiful, articulate and poetic young woman, experiences this marriage. She shares in interviews with her moviemaker daughter on film her feelings and doubts about her marriage as well as her early secret romantic life, which blossomed again at age 70. Her grown children each find themselves becoming bold participants in a small but significant way in her mother’s secret life.  The 84 minutes of this film seems to fly by reminding us that everyone’s life might be summarized in a well-kept photo album or in a thoughtful documentary, if anyone were there to make it. Usually the children, let alone a discerning movie audience do not know parent’s innermost secrets. This is the exception and it is an exceptionally creatively edited, well-done documentary. It must have been somewhat therapeutic for Ms. Kleine to have made the film and for sure it will stimulate complicated emotions and discussion in many parents and grown children who view it.

Do We Have to Understand The Psychodynamics?

It is rare that a psychiatrist can come away from a seeing a film or reading a book and feel that we have a valid understanding of the psychodynamics of the characters which we have experienced in these works of art,  as we would hope to have after treating someone with insight oriented therapy. These two pieces are no exception. Of course there is enough information in both of them for us to form various hypotheses, if we choose to listen with the third ear. That is often a stimulating and enjoyable process for trained professionals to do. On the other hand, you don’t have to be therapist to know that you are being given an opportunity to be empathic with the lives and emotions   of  interesting people even if your understanding of their dynamics is not there in full. Of course only one of them is a real person,  presented by the editing of interviews, personal pictures and home movies by her skilled filmmaker daughter who is trying to find the essence of her mother. While the other is created by an equally skilled and sensitive  writer who has distilled  her intuition and knowledge of such people  into her work of fiction. They both present the potential for us to personally grow as individuals as well as adding to our experience as students of human behavior.